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February 06, 2012

Farewell to a friend...

A friend of mine passed away yesterday. I never told her thank you, but I know she can hear me now. Some of you are atheists and that's fine. I'm not. I believe that we continue to learn and grow with or without a physical body, but that's not the point...

Kristin and I met in high school and for a time we were a couple. Fortunately, we each found our true soulmates later :) ...Along the way, Kris got me to open up beyond the rather rigid boundaries / mores I'd wrapped around myself. Her family was (and is) wonderful, and I am thankful that we've not lost touch. Watching her folks interact showed me that marriage can actually work (I admired her dad, Jim, and was deeply saddened when he left this earth). One of her brothers taught me martial arts; another brother (since passed away) and I worked on the old (very old) VW bug that he'd bought from Kris ...I don't know that he realized what he was getting into :) ...Her sister is freakin' brilliant (I never told her that her scholastic prowess was rather intimidating ...but I guess I just did!)

The most important thing that came out of the relationship is something that I have rarely (if ever) mentioned to anyone but my wife. When I was going to The Evergreen State College and Kris was up visiting, we saw a poster about a Transcendental Meditation lecture. I thought the Hindu monk in the pic looked weird, but Kris wanted to check it out, and we went to the lecture. It was not her cup of tea, but that year I started meditating. Meditation quite literally changed my life, and in a very positive way. Who knows if I'd have started meditating if we'd not gone to the lecture that day? I know if it'd been solely up to me, we would not have gone.

Up at Evergreen College, Kris met her soulmate, Doug. Together they grew in their shared religious beliefs, and I am hopeful that their religious fellowship will provide Doug with a support network now, as I can't imagine the loss he must feel.

I met my own soulmate at a Spring Celebration gathering among a group of meditators at the home of my buddy Gene. OK, he went on a couple of dates with Shirley before I did, but I know that she could tell that not only was I short, but one day I'd be bald as well, so she had no choice but to follow her heart (eventually, at least), and we're now in our 32nd year of marriage.

Toss a stone in a pond, and watch as the ripples move outward and touch so many other ripples, or roots on the bank, or jostle a bug floating on the water. It's impossible to know all of the effects. And it's impossible to know all of the effects of our life's events and our actions and our words on the lives of others.

So Kris, I never told you, but thank you for helping me open up, thank you for getting me to that lecture that day, thank you for sharing your artistic talents with so many.

Peace.

February 6, 2012 | Permalink

Comments

Joe - So very well written, and so well emotioned. I knew when you and Kris were a couple, and still have in my mind's eye, a short video that plays of you two doing your "monkey walk" (I think that's what you called it): arms about each other, hips perfectly fitted together, and able to walk gracefully if not overstated. You had your long flowing blonde hair (yup it was there once), and Kris' was that amazingly fine weave that made Rapunzel jealous.

Kris influenced my best friend in high school (James) and encouraged him to try his hand as an artist: pen and ink water colors. I still have a piece that Kris gave me for my birthday, along with one James created for me as well.

Other memories: Portland Saturday market, and an amazing green glass box with a peacock feather that Kris encouraged me to buy (I still have that as well). Late night discussions, left-over 60's confusion, camping trips, and other high school events from that tapestry.

When you shared your news with me today, it was amazing how many memories jumped up with Kris' (and your) names on them, along with sadness, and the wish to wish Kris well.

I'm glad you could say thank you, as can I - thank you to you both for many many things.

Posted by: Jerry | Feb 6, 2012 11:15:04 PM

I first met Kris when Joe and I were up in Olympia for some reason (to see the Evergreen campus and eat pizza at that funky place I guess) and we met with Kris. Joe being the flirtatious joker that he was, was grabbing my knee in the car and Kris commented that he hadn't changed. At first it bothered me, I didn't want to know about their prior relationship, but she said it with watchful amusement - completely non-threatening to me and I knew I could like my new boyfriend's ex. I guess I also need to thank Kris also for getting Joe interested in meditating or I might never have met him.

Posted by: Shirley | Feb 7, 2012 1:26:49 AM

Thank you so much for the lovely tribute to Kris. You have been a part of our family since you and Kris first got together. We felt blessed that when you and Kris separated you remained a part of our family. Shirley was a welcome addition. The Christmas gatherings we had here with Kris' high school friends and their spouses and children are some of my fondest memories. Kris was very good at making meaningful friendships. She will be sorely missed.

Posted by: Karin | Feb 7, 2012 6:30:17 PM